One woman's voice, one woman's view…

Archive for January, 2014

Children are not pawns!

One of the things that disturbs me the most about some women is their use of their children against the children’s fathers. Lately, I have been reading and hearing about how women are not allowing these men access to their children, men over paying child support AND STILL going to jail, and the most heinous of all, a mother trying to poison and killing one of her children because she didn’t want the father to take custody! What kind of madness is that?

Ladies, and I use the term loosely, that sh*t is out of order! Your children are not pawns. They are not game pieces that you are allowed to use to gain control. In fact, you should have your heads examined, because not allowing them to have a relationship with their fathers is pretty pathetic. It is not a child’s issue that you and their other parent are not adult enough to co-parent. Children are a gift from God to the both of you. It is utterly ridiculous to use them as a weapon because your feelings are hurt. Grow up and move the hell on. Find something to do productive with your life. Go to school, pick up a hobby, be a role model for your children. The only thing you are doing is perpetuating this endless cycle of madness.

Personally it hurts my heart to see my male friends and family members have to deal with a stupid ex-wife, or baby mama. I will say this though… fellas you MUST not, by no means continue to have intimate relations with these women. You have to cut ties completely. You can’t keep going back thinking you can stick and move and it will be ok. It is not! It confuses the woman and your children. Ladies the same goes for you. You can not continue to believe that it will work out by allowing him to come back time after time. If it didn’t work out the first time, chances are it won’t the second, third, or hundredth time. Keep it moving…

Both parties have to keep the lines of communication open. Have an open dialogue with your co-parent. Discuss what the expectations are for raising YOUR children. Remember the both of you shared good feelings for each other at least once. Lastly, always present a united front. Children pick up on the smallest inconsistencies.

Until next time…



Singleness… what is it?

What does it mean to be single?  For many it is a period of emptiness, loneliness; for others it is being without companionship by choice, aloneness; and for others it may be a period in which one is not exclusively involved with another, dating.  BUT, what does it really come down to? This can only be answered by the individual for which the question is posed.  For me, singleness is the state of finding who I am as a person, a parent, a friend, and a potential mate.  I have been in this singleness for 15 years now.  I have raised two great children, I have learned my idiosyncrasies, and I have learned to be alone and happy.  Am I ready to end this period?  I am not sure and only time will tell.

Many of my friends and family members are married and I assume they are happy.  If they aren’t, they sure make it seem that way.  Everyday I read, hear, or I am asked, “Why are Black women not getting married?”, “Why are you not married?”, “Why why why…?” Hell, I don’t know!   What I do know is that I am tired of that tired ass question.  Here is what I feel…  I am not married because I have not wanted to be married, as I said I have been in my SINGLENESS and look forward to my ALONENESS.  I have been busy raising my children, who in fact have turned out to be some mighty fine adults!  I don’t think I would have been able to accomplish that trying to cater to a man.  I did not need a man to be their father. I have been blessed to have children with responsible men. We have good relationships and they are active in their children’s lives. THANK YOU JESUS!!! I could not have done it without them.

Men require lots of attention.  I did not want to cheat my children or my  man.  I did not want to be selfish.  I know it may sound crazy to some, but that is how I looked at being a single mom.  My children came first when they were dependent on me, now that they are self sufficient I can put my energy into a relationship.  Like I said men require attention and lots of it.  I’ve been alone…not lonely!  There is definitely a difference. 🙂

For all my people who find themselves in their period of singleness, hang in there your time is coming, learn to love yourself so that you can love others.  Take this period to clear your mind, heal your body, your soul, and your heart.  The worst thing you can do is bring baggage into a new relationship.  Singleness is necessary to heal…

I don’t have answers, just my experiences and my opinion.  However I do know that LOVE is patient, LOVE is kind… 1 Corinthians 13:4

LOVE someone! Start with yourself!