One woman's voice, one woman's view…

Singleness… what is it?

What does it mean to be single?  For many it is a period of emptiness, loneliness; for others it is being without companionship by choice, aloneness; and for others it may be a period in which one is not exclusively involved with another, dating.  BUT, what does it really come down to? This can only be answered by the individual for which the question is posed.  For me, singleness is the state of finding who I am as a person, a parent, a friend, and a potential mate.  I have been in this singleness for 15 years now.  I have raised two great children, I have learned my idiosyncrasies, and I have learned to be alone and happy.  Am I ready to end this period?  I am not sure and only time will tell.

Many of my friends and family members are married and I assume they are happy.  If they aren’t, they sure make it seem that way.  Everyday I read, hear, or I am asked, “Why are Black women not getting married?”, “Why are you not married?”, “Why why why…?” Hell, I don’t know!   What I do know is that I am tired of that tired ass question.  Here is what I feel…  I am not married because I have not wanted to be married, as I said I have been in my SINGLENESS and look forward to my ALONENESS.  I have been busy raising my children, who in fact have turned out to be some mighty fine adults!  I don’t think I would have been able to accomplish that trying to cater to a man.  I did not need a man to be their father. I have been blessed to have children with responsible men. We have good relationships and they are active in their children’s lives. THANK YOU JESUS!!! I could not have done it without them.

Men require lots of attention.  I did not want to cheat my children or my  man.  I did not want to be selfish.  I know it may sound crazy to some, but that is how I looked at being a single mom.  My children came first when they were dependent on me, now that they are self sufficient I can put my energy into a relationship.  Like I said men require attention and lots of it.  I’ve been alone…not lonely!  There is definitely a difference. 🙂

For all my people who find themselves in their period of singleness, hang in there your time is coming, learn to love yourself so that you can love others.  Take this period to clear your mind, heal your body, your soul, and your heart.  The worst thing you can do is bring baggage into a new relationship.  Singleness is necessary to heal…

I don’t have answers, just my experiences and my opinion.  However I do know that LOVE is patient, LOVE is kind… 1 Corinthians 13:4

LOVE someone! Start with yourself!




Comments on: "Singleness… what is it?" (2)

  1. I agree on some but disagree on others. All men don’t require all that attention and yes relationships and or marriages that include children due require some juggling. It does require a relentless desire for balancing the two. Just as it does when a demanding job is involved when there is no man but still children. To each its own and it is what it is but one has to be a willing participant to balance anything. Furthermore an awful lot of ladies with children are unable to welcome a man and his God given thinking into their and their children’s life. Mostly because of control sharing. Something many strong minded woman are unable or unwilling to give up. Just one man’s opinion!

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