One woman's voice, one woman's view…

Archive for the ‘My Perspective’ Category

Children are not pawns!

One of the things that disturbs me the most about some women is their use of their children against the children’s fathers. Lately, I have been reading and hearing about how women are not allowing these men access to their children, men over paying child support AND STILL going to jail, and the most heinous of all, a mother trying to poison and killing one of her children because she didn’t want the father to take custody! What kind of madness is that?

Ladies, and I use the term loosely, that sh*t is out of order! Your children are not pawns. They are not game pieces that you are allowed to use to gain control. In fact, you should have your heads examined, because not allowing them to have a relationship with their fathers is pretty pathetic. It is not a child’s issue that you and their other parent are not adult enough to co-parent. Children are a gift from God to the both of you. It is utterly ridiculous to use them as a weapon because your feelings are hurt. Grow up and move the hell on. Find something to do productive with your life. Go to school, pick up a hobby, be a role model for your children. The only thing you are doing is perpetuating this endless cycle of madness.

Personally it hurts my heart to see my male friends and family members have to deal with a stupid ex-wife, or baby mama. I will say this though… fellas you MUST not, by no means continue to have intimate relations with these women. You have to cut ties completely. You can’t keep going back thinking you can stick and move and it will be ok. It is not! It confuses the woman and your children. Ladies the same goes for you. You can not continue to believe that it will work out by allowing him to come back time after time. If it didn’t work out the first time, chances are it won’t the second, third, or hundredth time. Keep it moving…

Both parties have to keep the lines of communication open. Have an open dialogue with your co-parent. Discuss what the expectations are for raising YOUR children. Remember the both of you shared good feelings for each other at least once. Lastly, always present a united front. Children pick up on the smallest inconsistencies.

Until next time…

Peace&Blessings
~D

Singleness… what is it?

What does it mean to be single?  For many it is a period of emptiness, loneliness; for others it is being without companionship by choice, aloneness; and for others it may be a period in which one is not exclusively involved with another, dating.  BUT, what does it really come down to? This can only be answered by the individual for which the question is posed.  For me, singleness is the state of finding who I am as a person, a parent, a friend, and a potential mate.  I have been in this singleness for 15 years now.  I have raised two great children, I have learned my idiosyncrasies, and I have learned to be alone and happy.  Am I ready to end this period?  I am not sure and only time will tell.

Many of my friends and family members are married and I assume they are happy.  If they aren’t, they sure make it seem that way.  Everyday I read, hear, or I am asked, “Why are Black women not getting married?”, “Why are you not married?”, “Why why why…?” Hell, I don’t know!   What I do know is that I am tired of that tired ass question.  Here is what I feel…  I am not married because I have not wanted to be married, as I said I have been in my SINGLENESS and look forward to my ALONENESS.  I have been busy raising my children, who in fact have turned out to be some mighty fine adults!  I don’t think I would have been able to accomplish that trying to cater to a man.  I did not need a man to be their father. I have been blessed to have children with responsible men. We have good relationships and they are active in their children’s lives. THANK YOU JESUS!!! I could not have done it without them.

Men require lots of attention.  I did not want to cheat my children or my  man.  I did not want to be selfish.  I know it may sound crazy to some, but that is how I looked at being a single mom.  My children came first when they were dependent on me, now that they are self sufficient I can put my energy into a relationship.  Like I said men require attention and lots of it.  I’ve been alone…not lonely!  There is definitely a difference. 🙂

For all my people who find themselves in their period of singleness, hang in there your time is coming, learn to love yourself so that you can love others.  Take this period to clear your mind, heal your body, your soul, and your heart.  The worst thing you can do is bring baggage into a new relationship.  Singleness is necessary to heal…

I don’t have answers, just my experiences and my opinion.  However I do know that LOVE is patient, LOVE is kind… 1 Corinthians 13:4

LOVE someone! Start with yourself!

Peace&Blessings

~D

Where is the Love?

So it is that time of year when leaves begin to turn orange and fall to the ground, temps drop, and our kids return to school.

As we get ready for a new school year I ask myself and I am asking you…do we really have to like others in order to achieve great things? Do you have to like your boss to be a productive employee? Do students have to like their teacher’s to achieve? Do teachers have to like their students in order to teach the necessary information to be successful?

Personally, I don’t feel that it is necessary to like anyone to have a good working relationship. I don’t feel that I have to have the same personal beliefs or ideologies to be respectful towards one another or to accomplish goals in the work setting. In other words, all we have to do is respect each other’s opinions and abilities. Too often I think we confuse LOVE with LIKE.

As a Christian, I LOVE everyone because Christ commands us to love one another. I love life and what it has to offer. I value life. I do not wish harm or disparity on anyone’s life…that is Love.

Being in Love. “Being in LOVE” is totally different than loving someone or people. ” Being in LOVE” with someone is having a deep personal attraction for that individual. You love being around them, their scent, their laugh, and everything else about them. This type of love is developed over time. Not just good times, but bad times, sad times, and difficult times. Love is something that is tried and true…it is real. Sometimes Love takes a life time other times it happens instantaneously…whatever the case you know when it is LOVE.

Now, the real question… What has happened to the LOVE? How do we get it back? Let’s have a conversation…Relationship Forum flyer

Stand Your Ground

I have been trying to put my thoughts to words concerning the interview by juror B29 in the George Zimmerman trial. As most folks know he was acquitted of stalking and killing 17 year old Trayvon Martin in February of 2012, just a few weeks after his 17th birthday. George Zimmerman is a coward. Juror B29 you are a coward. How could you go in for deliberation with your mind made up that this monster was guilty of killing Trayvon and then let one woman change your perspective? You, my dear, are a coward. There is no way in the world that I, or any other conscientious minded person would have been so weak minded that we would allow one person to get so in our minds that we would let a murderous monster go free. Oh wait…there were 2 others on that jury that were also cowards…the initial vote was a 3/3 split! What the hell? This bullshit about not being able to convict him of intentionally killing Trayvon is a bunch of shit! How in hell could there be evidence to convict, but because how the law was written you couldn’t convict? Just admit, you didn’t have the intellectual fortitude to interpret the law as written.

People it is so important to register to vote, because this is how people are pooled for jury duty. We must attend jury duty, and serve if selected. How is it possible that there was only one minority on this jury? How often does this happen? I’m sure more than we know.

Secondly, after we register to vote WE MUST VOTE… We must exercise our right to vote not just for the Presidential elections, but ALL elections. Do you know how much blood was shed just for this fundamental right? Do you really know? Most of these crazy laws are set forth at the local and state levels.

Lastly, EDUCATION, I can not express how important it is to have good reading comprehension skills. Last week I spoke about if you don’t know something, ASK…don’t be embarrassed if you don’t understand something, just ask. It is clear that this woman, these women did not understand the verbiage of the law. It is clear that these woman allowed juror B37 to interpret the law for them…let us not forget that this woman (B37) is married to a lawyer and that they had less than adequate supervision during family visits. In other words this woman, juror B37, had an opportunity to confer with her husband who had access to TV, internet, newspaper, and other media…it is clear that the entire process has been tainted and an innocent young man’s live has been antagonized in the process. It is clear that we have a murderer free to murder other innocent black, brown, Asian, Native or any other “minority” persons running loose in Sanford, Florida.

Let’s continue to use our voices, our buying power, and our compassion to fight these injustices. Let’s get back to loving and protecting one another. An African proverb says that “It takes a Village.” We need to heal the Village… There is much work to be done.

Until next time…

Peace and Blessings

~D